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Unpublished/Incomplete: written 3 years ago

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The economics of the future are somewhat different. You see, money doesn’t exist in the 24th century. Lily Sloane: No money? You mean, you don’t get paid? Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The acquisition of wealth is no longer the driving force of our lives. We work to better ourselves and the rest of humanity. Actually, we’re all like yourself and Dr. Cochrane.

I was writing about money in the joint blogsite my friend and I have. It took me a while to determine what for me is money. I have to read lots of books and blogs and ideas on what money is. For my friend, money is a tool to be used to boost your level in life. But I wasn’t taught that way. Money, for me, is a means to pay the bills; and that’s all there is to it. I still have to bring myself into my friend’s ideology to appreciate what money is. I thought her concept of money is right, and presently, I am trying to relearn how she values money.

So having this very limited idea about money, which comes from centuries of romancing with “blessed-are-the-poor” maxim plus a highly censoring religion forced by the ancestors onto my rebellious mind, I have found ways to play with money to satiate my curiosities and longings.

I think I love money. It isn’t just something to pay the electricity, water and communication companies. It isn’t just a means to make me appreciate good food and good life. It is also a way to improve my lot. Unfortunately, the reality is I practically have a very limited amount of money, only enough to make me get by with my day-to-day existence. While institutions invests into massive marketing to make me borrow money from them, I just can’t do it. I’ve been burned before, I am fearful now. Borrowing money just to satisfy some curiosities and longings is just tantamount to giving up your future and freedom for some unimportant and inessential reasons. Not unless if the return of investment is more than what you have given up.

Yet my curiosities and longing for good life still lingers. It persists just like some itch coming from a mosquito bite. I guess this is just what being human is. And in order for me to satisfy these curiosities and desires, I need money.

So I am now in a dilemma: to use other’s money (sometimes I doubt if this is really real money because it is not backed with any tangible items)  to satisfy my wants, or to suppress my wants? Suppressing curiosities and desires isn’t easy. I’ve tried different ways to just stay in my room oblivious to the world around me. Watching television and the colorful advertisements will only increase my imagination; thereby, increasing my curiosities and desires towards increasing my depression for not having enough money to satisfy them. Exploring the world through the Internet, however, seems to give varied results. There is higher chance for my imagination to expand and I can control them by opting only for valuable information that can lower my potential to crave for something that is hard to reach.

And so to control my desire for money through the Internet, I found my online games. Games that pay or give me virtual money, even if it can’t be converted to usable currencies in the so-called real world, is interestingly helpful in controlling my imaginations and desires. I have been playing different online games for years. While other self-professed righteous individuals, who believes they have the answer to the world’s problems, judge me as lazy, which sometimes makes me engage in extreme reality testing, my motives are really different from those children who can’t seem to finish their homework or clean their bedroom. I function normally. I have a job, I do my chores and other responsibilities, I participate in service-oriented activities and I only engage in expensive activities when somebody will pay for it.

Interestingly, these online games is already enough to lower my cravings for the so-called real world’s wants and desires. When people say they have huge bank savings, I may find myself envious. But thinking that I own virtual lands and have thousands to millions of game money, I feel I am alright. When people say they own several houses, I feel bad of course. But when I think that I can simply build hundreds of houses of my own design in my game if I want to, I think I am better. While others need a tangible object to satisfy themselves, I am alright with the non-tangibles. Yes, tangibles can be traded to fuel for my brain. But do I really need a lot just to satisfy my imagination?

The thing is, do I really need huge amounts of money of the traditional currencies to satisfy my wants?

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Posted by on November 15, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Unpublished/Incomplete: written 3 years ago

Every time my colleagues and I immerse ourselves into deep talks, one of the youngest among us always reminds me that “everything we see is just an illusion”.

Like any other teenager, I used to dream about acquiring several materials stuffs. Cars (and how I still dream to own a VW Beetle convertible), mansions, yachts, furniture, jewelry, gadgets, my own island etc etc. I thought that once I found myself a job, I will finally have them. So I strive hard to finish my education (like almost all Asians, at my parent’s expense), so I will land a decent job that will slowly begin my quest to  acquire those material things written in my bucket list. I strive hard to get top honors because they said, once you get at least a Cum Laude, top companies all over the city will hire you immediately. I like things to be easy, to be hired immediately, that is, so I worked hard to earn excellent grades and later write a dynamic resume. But as expected from people who knows me, I failed in that because of my rebel mouth. Professors do not want to be challenged by students. Asking them questions they cannot answer is a no-no if you are aiming for honors. So, I did not get a Cum Laude by about 0.5 point.

It did not matter much to me though because when I started looking for jobs, several companies wanted to hire me. However, I accepted the government job away from home. Yes away from home – to prevent me from spending too much 😛 I told myself, with a job in the government, I will be more secure financially, I will have security of tenure, my childhood dreams will finally come true.

So I worked hard…really worked hard. Overtimes, I accepted without question. Extra assignments I accepted eagerly. I even signed in for a part-time job teaching out-of-school youths just to increase my income. I never went into credit, disciplined myself not to join the loan system. But at the end of the year, I only saved as much to be some small gadgets.

I worked hard more. Enrolled in higher education to increase my worth. Even went to the point of stepping few individuals just to get higher in the government ladder to earn more. But it seems nothing happened.

So I changed tactics. Loan experts kept whispering to me that I cannot get what I want if I will depend only on my savings. You have to enter the loan and credit system. I do not want to; my mother’s voice kept ringing inside my head – never ever do it. But I told that voice, “why would I listen to you?

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Unpublished/Incomplete: written 3 years ago

I can actually live without humans surrounding me. I only realized that at this stage of my life. Or perhaps, I only realized that because of the Internet. Although, I’ve always wished to be placed in a capsule with devices that can communicate other beings like me and thrown out into the dark, deep outer space. I just reflected about it nowadays and understood clearly that I was actually imagining the very comforts of my own bedroom. Or maybe not. If there is such a thing like reincarnation or something similar to it, perhaps what I think is my reality now is actually just an avatar or an illusion of a being who is actually inside a space capsule.

I don’t know. I am confused on how to articulate something that has been bugging me for days and weeks.

Family members kept saying that we need other human beings to complete us a person. This is what society has been reminding me before and when Internet is still existent in offices and businesses, yet expensive for home-use by the masses. It was my computer that was first hooked to the Internet in a certain local government. I am proud to say that I was the very first one to have access to the Internet among the

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2016 in Uncategorized